Raising free children

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I have always had an opinion about how the world is so different for men and women. Even as an adolescent, I remember taking every opportunity to express my opinion in the matter. I had little hope of making any changes to the way my parents raised us, but I talked and thought about it a lot. I sure thought about it some more when I had my first son, but it has become a serious issue since I had my daughter. Not all girls like to play Mommy, and not all boys can be strong and brave.

Raising children to fulfill traditional female and male roles has a negative effect in their adult life. Gender based play during childhood, the poor promotion of womens achievements throughout history, and an accepting attitude towards gender-based stereotypes, are three important factors that cause low self-esteem in girls and a feeling of superiority in boys. These practices teach men that their place in the world is that of control, and train women to be submissive and accepting of their disadvantaged position in the world.

Promoting play based on gender has justification only if we believe that there are exclusive roles for women and men. If we understand that there are only two roles where there can be no crossover, the ones of mother and father, then there is no reason to limit childrens play founded on a biological circumstance. Women can only be mothers, never fathers, and viceversa, but biologically and intellectually, both genders are capable of performing well in any occupation.

According to Kathy Reyes Smith, a Kindergarten teacher of 5 years, almost exclusively boys play with boys and girls with girls from kindergarten on. At home and even at daycare, children classify people in two categories adults and children. After age five, they recognize two other categories boys and girls. Childrens gender identity is not threatened by exploring all arenas of life. Not only we can, but we must encourage children to know themselves, find their vocation and develop their potential, intellectually and emotionally. During early childhood, parents and society begin to establish differences based on gender that strengthen a culture of stereotypes. From birth girls and boys have a dress code to match a certain expected behavior? Pastel colors, flower prints, hair ornaments and earrings, go well with a tranquil and docile conduct expected from girls. Blue in various shades and other dark colors, along with prints of machinery, tools, and wild animals constitute the boys dress code. Later, girls can identify pink as the feminine assigned color, due to its generalized use in their clothes, toys and school supplies. As expected, boys very much stay away from this color.

It is common knowledge that girls mature at a younger age than boys. In fact, girls are expected to be potty trained earlier than boys are. Around the toddler years parents begin to exclude a number of games and pretend play from their childrens activities. Very physical play or ones that involve guns are reserved for boys. If girls are allowed to participate, they are not permitted to actually use the guns; their involvement in the game is limited to be spectators. For girls, dolls and dishes substitute trains, construction equipment, war toys, and action adventure heroes, which belong in the boys world.

By age six, parents, relatives, marketing and society introduce the concept of exclusive occupations to childrens play. Girls are provided with toys to support pretend play suitable for girls, like cleaning utensils, kitchen items, and craft supplies. The roles of nurses, teachers and stay home parents are not so much imposed on girls, but they are promoted by being discouraged from boys play. Society considers inappropriate for boys to assume these roles in their pretend play. At the same time, certain other occupations fitting to heroes and leaders are promoted to boys, such as soldiers, engineers and policemen. This practice teaches children that occupations are gender adequate. Not by accident, the professions and occupations of power are appropriate for men, and those positions that follow orders are appropriate for women. Sadly, parents support all or some of these apparently innocent practices. Has anyone seen the male nurse Halloween custom, or, the male ballet dancer Halloween custom? All of these things send a message and they acquire the idea that femininity is synonymous with weakness, lack of ability and low intelligence.

My five-year-old son has been playing Monopoly for a little over two months now, and his ability to handle money went from to 7 in a scale of 1 to 10. He can practice addition and subtraction, and he is learning to make decisions. Catering to adults, Monopoly has come up with versions such as NFL and NASCAR. In the childrens market Parker Brothers introduced Pokemon Monopoly, which is the version he likes to play. All toy makers could start creating or modifying games and toys to make them inclusive of both genders. How about a Monopoly version with famous buildings in the world, or another with invention patents by men and women.

By the time children reach adolescence, they have accumulated 1 years of gender discriminating training. Now, fashion, societys expectations and their developing sexual identities separate the boys from the girls even more. Girls are encouraged to be good, and boys not to be good. Parents foster in boys the instinct of defense, to protect oneself and others, to fight for ones property and rights. But there is a totally different perception of girls when they present the same behavior. Girls are considered unfeminine and too aggressive. Boys are considered manly and brave. Girls are punished and boys rewarded for doing exactly the same thing. A girls reputation depends upon her control over a sexuality she hardly understands, and a boys popularity is founded on the free expression of the sexuality he does not understand either. Boys will be boys, Boys dont cry, Boys go as far as a girls let them, are sayings that illustrate societys concept of the roles of the sexes. Men chase and rule, women wait to be chased and obey.

Besides this, generations worth of submission training create a cycle difficult to break. Children learn from what their parents do. Therefore, the decisions mothers make for their personal lives are the guides daughters will use to make their own choices. Thus, mothers who endure abuse from their partners are setting a destructive example. In all fairness, it is necessary to note that young women are many times pressured by their parents to stay in a bad marriage.

Nancy Gibbs in her essay When Is It Rape? discusses how when societies began to punish rape, it was so only in the case of virgins. Because it was viewed as a property crime, the sanction was usually to pay the father the equivalent of the girls price in the marriage market. In some early social groups like Hebrews, the fate of a rape victim was the same as that of the adulterous woman. Anybody who has lived in Latin America can testify that this is a current practice among indigenous groups.

In a society ruled by men, women have to fight not to assume a dependent role. Unfortunately due to the gender discriminatory training they have received, many only find their identity in the role they have in a mans life. It is painful to witness how many see themselves as objects of ornament. Too much emphasis is placed on a woman being pretty, slim, and youthful. The popularity of breast implants and other cosmetic procedures are a reflection of this. Women settle for bad relationships, marriages and partners. The evening news tells stories about these women almost every night. Many base their worth on being loved by a man. This consequence reinforces the fallacy of mens superiority over women. Cultures where women who do not marry are labeled Old Maids, teach from childhood that females need a man to be happy. And many men end up believing that women need them too much and love them less.

In the area of romance, the training men receive is a sure formula for failure. They need to get the money first so they can get the girl later. The more money they make, the better opportunity they have in choosing the woman they like. Likewise, the training for women in this area of relationships produces the same result. Girls dont need to worry about going to school and getting a good job, all they have to do is be pretty, thin and pleasing to be picked by a man. But women realize soon that the world works in a different way. They need to go out and get jobs. Women need to provide for themselves and their families. Even in a relationship women contribute too. Though men seem to be in a position of control, this is actually a very uncomfortable situation for them too. Because they have been made to believe that women love them for their money, a feeling of insecurity is almost sure. In their minds, the woman they set to conquer is not truly theirs. She belongs to the money and who ever has it. Suddenly, men feel they are not in control anymore. They feel threaten in their emotions and their intelligence.

Regardless of what really happens out in the world, our culture still assigns the role of provider to men. Everybody knows though, that women are providers too. As part of two-income families, or as single mothers, women can and do provide for their children and themselves. Joanna L. Strantton in her book Pioneer Women illustrates the myth that one of mens roles, as fathers, husbands or brothers, is to protect the women in their lives. Women have had to protect themselves against men and in spite of mens protection. Back in the times when women were not allowed to own property or have inheritance rights, when they were prevented from voting and disabled by the law to have custody of their own children, and could not even speak in public or attend universities, women lived at the mercy of men. This shameful reality prompted the Temperance movement, aimed to ban alcohol from communities, for it was considered the destroyer of the home. Soon after, the womens Suffrage Movement was born, championed by Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Unfortunately, their names and accomplishments are not well known.

One afternoon during a womens convention for the Suffrage movement, Frederick Douglass spoke in support of Congresss proposal to grant black men the right to vote. Women, through the Suffrage movement, had supported the Abolitionist cause for years. So when Congress offered the vote only for black men, women expected to have the abolitionists support for their own cause. But men turned on women and accepted the proposal. That afternoon, Anthony asked Douglass if black women did not deserve the right to vote. Douglass had no answer for Anthony. Women continued their fight alone and Ms. Anthony died before she could legally vote. This is how Lynn Sherr in her book Failure Is Impossible narrates this painful episode in history in which men put their rights above women again.

When we speak of rights, we must not forget the nurses that have served in all the wars. They cared for the wounded in extremely dangerous situations, even offering their lives to save the innocent. Yet prevented from receiving the well deserved highest honors, because only combat assignments are eligible for these most rewarding medals. Women as well as men have an obligation to correct all these cases of injustice. A crusade to right the wrongs should be sought in this millennium.

Scott Russell Sanders, in The Men We Carry in Our Minds, exonerates unprivileged men of womens inferior place in the world. In his mind, the men who work with their bodies, the uneducated, the poor, the field workers and even the soldiers because they have little financial resources do not oppress women. Russell refers to women not having to go to war or make a living. He seems to forget that women do suffer the horrors of war and fails to acknowledge the sacrifice wives make sharing their husbands misfortune. What women want and deserve is the right to choose.

It is necessary to raise the issue and provoke thought. Promote the discussion and analysis of the topic to reach the stage of action. Parents should be able to talk freely about the way they want to raise their children. Free of prejudice and only with the childrens best interest in mind. This can be the starting point of the journey to equality. The goal is to help children know themselves, so they can reach happiness. The challenge is to identify all of societys obstacles and defeat the monster of stereotypes and myths. It is also necessary to teach the real history to our children. The path consists of identifying the virtues of equality between women and men. I aim to raise a daughter not destined to suffer social submission and unnecessary physical and emotional pain. I intend to raise two sons with free minds, who will help free more women.

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